I’ve always said that my trauma made me into who I am.

I said the beatings taught me to be resiliant and control my pain. The neglect allowed me to become self reliant.

But none of that is accurate.

The beatings taught me to walk on eggshells and how to read the room. I can tell when things are getting tense without even glancing around.

The neglect taught me that no one was coming to help me. I was insignificant even to the people who were supposed to love and protect me.

I learned how to hide my emoitions because they were silly and I was “over reacting”

I learned not to ask for anything because I was being selfish and inconsiderate.

I learned that birthdays and christmas were inconvenineces, that any celebration was marred with alcohol, drugs and fighting.

All of these things taught me who I don’t want to be. Therapy and treatment are helping me to be the woman I am now. The woman I should have always been.

There is no going back. There is only forward. I am finding freedom from their voices in my head. And hope for my remaining years to be the very best of my life.

~tc